12.

That's the amount of times that the words "that woman" is repeated throughout the 361 pages... But we'll talk about it later.

Well, well, well, guess who's back? Yes, your local clown. It appears that I never get tired of this, even when I should be.

Disclaimer before go on with my rant.

If you liked Beach Read, then it's really great! I admire you for it; I wish I could've liked it as much as y'all.

Once again, I'm being the exception of giving 5/4 stars to really big hyped books with really high average ratings and good reviews. In my mind, this book is a 0.25 star review, but luckily my heart is a bit generous (not always, tho) and I'm giving it 1 star.

This time, Beach Read by Emily Henry takes the award for the "big hype, big lie" book of the month... Maybe the only book of the month of June that I read because it put me in a big-ass reading slump (which Evelyn Hugo is taking me out of) and I'm crying because of it.

The premise of this book called my attention and I foolishly added to my tbr because I saw the 5/4 stars reviews and I thought that it was gonna be actually good, and I would've devoured this book... Instead of constantly suffering through each and every single chapter (I read just 12 of them), rolling my eyes everytime January (seriously, who names a kid like that. Huh, and I thought Latin American names were weird af) mentioned "the Gus thing", and cringing because January only knows what second hand embarrassment is.

I don't even know what the Gus thing is... And I don't wanna know it. Some people are happy when they're ignorant of some things, and I wanna be ignorant in that especifically.

Anyways, let's move on. We have a lot to talk about.

First of all, I didn't care about the characters. Any. Single. One. Of. Them. They were flat, boring and uninteresting.

The fact that January kept calling Sonya "that woman" was getting on my nerves every single and damn time. Please, stop blaming women for some dudes mistakes. Yeah, she might have been with your dad, January, but that doesn't mean she's the villain of your story. And why your mom never told you anything (if she knew)? Or, why were you sniffing on other's business? It wasn't your business. At all.

Let me tell you a story. When my mum was pregnant of me, my dad abandoned her and got himself another girlfriend. He fucking dumped my mum and me because: a) his family never approved my mum, and b) he was a fucking coward to stand up and saying he "loved" my mum. Anyhow, I know who my dad's actual wife is. She's really nice to me and even if my mum and I know he was cheating with her, I never ever called her "that woman" or "the other woman". Because not all of women are guilty for men's decisions.

Please, January, just shut up.

Beside that issue, I don't like January. At all. She's annoying, stressing and really boring.

Gus is not behind tho. I've read many many many reviews saying that Gus Everett is the perfect man, but... he doesn't do anything throughout the book. I just pictured him as one of January's descriptions:

"I wouldn't be surprised if the rumpled man sitting beside me, the one who'd mocked my career, was wearing dirty day-of-the-week underwear inside out and living on Meijer-brand cheese puffs".

The writing style was weird at some parts. Here.

"His usual five-o'clock shadow had stretched closer toward a seven-o'clock dusk".

What the hell is even that?

"The warmth filled me up until I felt like a teakettle trying hard not to whistle".

Oh my gods, please, I beg you, stop.

There was no romance... Or did I miss it? Maybe we got lost in translation? Maybe I ask for too much? At least, I didn't feel any spark, tension or banter between January and Gus. They were acting like two normal people and not like they were doing something romantic or from another world. Like, Gus holding her hair while she's throwing up. Yes, so romantic.

I could've finished it to see if the romance picked up or showed up even, but meh, I just gave up because to me, there was none.

I honestly could see what was gonna happen. I had many theories.

Maybe January reads her dad's letter and there he explained why he and Sonya were together, and asks January to forgive him or something cheesy like that. Maybe she and Sonya become friends or they talk about January's dad. I don't know, but some cheesy and boring things like that.

And please, don't get me started on that cover. Really? It has nothing to do with the book. Just because it mentions a BEACH HOUSE doesn't make it a BEACH READ quickly.

Once again, if you loved this book, good for you. I tried, but maybe my grumpy ass can't tolerate cheesy things anymore (that's what happening to me while watching romantic kdramas). This book just wasn't for me.

I still think that I'm gonna try to pick up People We Meet on Vacation (even if I hate the name 'Poppy') and Book Lovers. Wish me luck!