Alexa, play Labour by Paris Paloma.
I had a long time without reading a good book in which I could say "Yeah, I can relate with you."
The Haunting of Alejandra is one of those books. In advance, sorry if I get too emotional.
Please, read some trigger warnings before you pick up this book!
What got me into this book at first was its name. I don't often see books with my name on it, lmao. Then, I read the synopsis and it caught me. My first thought was "I must read it. Now."
I grew up hearing tales like La Llorona despite of not being mexican myself, and seeing it as a retelling was wonderful.
This is a sad, beautiful and tragic story about a multigenerational curse passed down to the women in Alejandra's genealogical tree. There is something devouring women's emotions and feeding from their sadness, their sorrow and depression, and driving them crazy or to commit suicide.
Some quotes from this book hit home.
"Half her life lived as a shadow."
"Alejandra held no illusions of having any value in the world."
"Was she difficult to love?"
"Alejandra only knew she couldn't do the next eighteen years like this, then lie on her deathbed thinking of how she'd spent her short precious time on Earth."
"How could you learn about love from someone who gave you nothing but pain?"
"Alejandra didn't know how to articulate that she would rather die than experience another day in her current existence, as herself."
"I'm not who I used to be, but I didn't like that version of me much when I think about it because of regret... I guess I don't like this version of me either."
As someone who has grown up seeing the generational trauma in her family, I for sure know how Alejandra feels because I feel the same way, too. Of course, I don't have kids, and I don't want because I want to break this cycle of conditioned love in which I grew up.
While reading this book, I felt like I was reading my own thoughts, and while I was crying so bad, I felt like I had written this book. It felt too personal and intimate.
The Haunting of Alejandra explores depression, generational trauma, sadness, mysogyny and how women had (have) to deal with this since perhaps the beginning of the times. It was outraging at some point to read Matthew's lines and imagine how hard it must be for women to deal with this. Quitting their dreams and hopes just to have kids for a man who just see them as an object and someone who had no right to talk, think or behave in other way that wasn't as expected.
This book made me feel seen and understood, like I'm not alone, like I'm not wasting my life as I've been thinking since I was like 12 years old, like there is hope for me and I can achieve my dreams, even if that's what they are: dreams.
This is a well written story about generations of women haunted by a creature that feeds from their sorrow and mysery, by crushed dreams and hopes... Gods, I don't even know how to describe this, but it made me feel like I'm not alone. These women are so fucking strong, who stand up and fight, who kept secrets and held their tears for their own privacy, who fought in the Mexican Revolution, who followed her dreams...
In the end, I was crying so bad, and felt like a weight was lift from my shoulders because I found hope and light like I hadn't known before. So, yeah, this is a rec if you like horror, retellings and women of color saying "fuck men", then this one is for you.
